I'm scared of being skinny.

I cannot even tell you how many times I've been rejected by a guy simply because I'm fat. We could have everything in common, and I could posses every single quality he is looking for a in a girl...except being a size 0.

I am an extraordinary person. I am strong with a huge heart and a sincere soul. I am smart, funny, charming. Sometimes embarrassing. I know that I have so many amazing qualities and am a genuine person. It just becomes overshadowed by my weight. All the emphasis about who I am and who can love me is based on the number on a scale. And I hate that. It is like nothing that I could ever possibly do would matter. I would still be fat. That would be what defined me.

And to be honest with you, that is why I lack the serious motivation and drive to lose weight. Sounds backwards, right? I'm sure most people use what I've said to spark a weight loss journey. Not me.

I'm scared of being skinny. I'm scared of losing weight. I don't want people (especially guys) to be interested in me just because I'm pretty and skinny. The whole concept behind that bothers me, and I don't want it to be true. I don't want to be judged on how much I weigh, whether I'm big or small. I want somebody to see me as me. Every aspect of me. And love me for that.

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