Breaking up is hard to do.

10.26.2012

Break ups are never fun. But in my experience, break ups are exponentially harder when you have children. When Oliver was younger, I was somewhat reckless about introducing him to my boyfriends. Granted, the guys he met were guys that I ended up dating for at least four months, but in hindsight, I totally regret it.

The idea of a break up has honestly kept me single for almost two years. Children are so trusting and vulnerable, especially my little guy. He absolutely adored my last boyfriend, Anthony. In fact, it often seemed he liked Anthony more than me. And I didn't even mind it, because it was so cute.


But then four months into our relationship, Anthony decides to break up with me (long story). I was devastated and heartbroken. But the thing is, I am a big girl. I can deal with being hurt and disappointed. The hardest part was watching my child cry for Anthony for days, weeks, months after he had left. How do you explain that to a two year old? And as much as the break up hurt me, watching it hurt my son killed me. It made me feel like a terrible mother, that I was somehow causing my child this pain.

Around the same time Anthony left, my previous ex, Dustin, whom still had a relationship with Oliver after our two years of dating, also found a new girlfriend and was told the relationship could not continue. My son is now four, and he continues to talk about Dustin. He will say "Remember when Dustin and I went to the park" or "I miss Dustin, mom". And it breaks my heart every single time. I just want to protect my son from everything, and after realizing that my relationships were causing him pain, I stopped being so interested in one.

You can never promise that somebody else will always be there for your child. This is something that I have greatly struggled with and what has kept me from actively dating. I know that I cannot disappoint my child like that ever again. 

Being single isn't the greatest, especially since it has almost been two years. But I am just so skeptical about dating and relationships for this very situation. Honestly, I don't know how to date with a child. I don't know what I should be doing, when I should introduce Oliver to the boyfriends, or how to go on dates when I literally always have my child.


So I'm just trying to figure this all out.

4 Responses to “Breaking up is hard to do.”

  1. Dating! Ahh! This has been on my mind too lately. I am ready to start again and I literally have no idea how its going to work.

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  2. If I ever figure it out, I will let you know! lol

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  3. Anyone with as cool of a blog name as you is a great catch! ;)

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    1. Haha, thank you! You would think so. I just need to find a man who enjoys "Your Mom" jokes and blogging.

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