I think being single is the most difficult around the holidays. You begin getting adorable Christmas cards from cookie-cutter families in their matching outfits and smiles. They look so happy, and it takes every ounce of restraint in your body not to throw them in the trash. Nicely, of course. But still, you look at the pictures and realize they have something that you don't have.
So, around the holiday season, my heart and lady parts are set in full-on crazy mode. It is like all logic and reasoning is thrown out the window and replaced by the need for a man. (Key word is need not want or desire.) It is, quite frankly, embarrassing.
Nonetheless, as Christmas nears, I find myself running around like a chicken with its head cut off in search for somebody to love me. But mostly, somebody to wear matching sweaters with Oliver and I for Christmas card photos. I know, I know. It sounds crazy, but really, everything is about family at the end of the year. In November, families come together to be thankful for the ones that they love. December brings Christmas/Hanuka/Kwanzaa or whatever you choose to celebrate. This is a time when family expresses their love through gifts and tradition.
Then there is New Years and sharing a kiss with a special some one the very first moment of 2013. In all honesty, I do not think I have ever even done this. But as each new year approaches, oh, how I long for somebody to share that kiss with. Who wouldn't want to start 2013 with an epic, passionate kiss? I know this girl would.
And seriously, I loathe all the people who are judging me right now. You know who they are. The ones who will tell me that "I have a family" and essentially that being a mother should be enough. Always. Every single day. I absolutely love being a mother, but it does not take away my loneliness. The love and relationship that I share with my four year old greatly differs compared to what I seek in a companion. These two things are not related, by any means, and I hate when people act like being a mother should fulfill your need to be loved. Or any need that you may have.
I am a mother, but I have needs that are so much bigger than that role. And it is silly to think that my four year old could gratify my every need, want, or desire. There are things that being a mother just simply does not satisfy. And around the holidays, loneliness is one of them.
So instead, I sit at home drinking a bottle of wine and picking out matching family sweaters for the future Mr. Right and our ravishing children. I design a Christmas card in my mind for my future family, the one that I know will someday be a reality.
And I wait.
Because there is nothing else to do.
And I wait.
Because there is nothing else to do.
The last thing that I am doing is judging you because I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I can't help but to covet all that love I see floating around when I'm out shopping for the holidays or when I'm out with my children at some sort of festive event. But, I know I must be patient, because I know God has a GREAT guy in store for me. Just be patient.. I know it's hard, but you just have to be patient. :-)
ReplyDeleteExactly! I am glad somebody knows what I am talking about and doesn't think I am a bitter creep lol.
Delete