Is it summer yet?

1.16.2013

Classes literally just started on Monday, and I am already exhausted. This semester I am taking all of my classes online. I thought this would give me a chance to spend more time with Oliver, since he will be starting kindergarten next year and supposedly I will be getting an "adult" job working for the man. I saw this as my final opportunity to enjoy my little one before he was sucked into the never ending education system, which I am still trying to make my way through at twenty-two. So I took my son out of full-day preschool, enrolled in a crap-load of senior level online courses, and went on my way.

I thought I could be this really cool, awesome stay-at-home mom. You know, the one who was able to do it all without blowing a brain fuse. Well, I thought wrong. I love being able to spend time with my son, but I am starting to think there is such a thing as "too much time". It is only Wednesday, and I have a constant headache. Now I am sitting here thinking how this is going to work. How am I supposed to study? How am I going to go to the library to print stuff off? I apparently did not think this through too well when I made this decision.

Maybe I am just stressed this week. But I find myself wondering how do other mothers do this? I know moms who just ramble on and on about what a joyful bliss being a SAHM has been. They are baking muffins, completing elaborate Pinterest projects, teaching their children seven languages, and being all super awesome. 

So, I thought I would attempt to be supermom and take my son to the public library today after lunch. Bad idea. I literally almost had a mental breakdown in the middle of the Young Adult section as my child was screaming, crying, and running away from me. I tried to be understanding at first. "He is tired and needs a nap," I thought. But as this behavior continued and quite progressively worsened, I had to carry my four year old out of the very large, very crowded, very public library kicking and screaming.

He was very distraught with me, and I felt like a terrible mother. We had ventured to the library so he could play, but while I was returning DVDs, he was acting like children of the corn. So I made the executive decision that we were going home instead of playing. He cried the entire way home, but I couldn't bring myself to give in and go back to the library.

When we got home, I carried him inside...still crying. He was telling me that he wanted to be good so we could go play. It was heartbreaking. I put him into his bed, covered him up, and wiped the tears from his eyes. He started to rub his eyes, and I knew that he was just so tired. I stood there by his bed (he has a loft bed) and rubbed between his eyebrows and down his nose. This is something that I used to do to get him to fall asleep as an infant. I hadn't really done it in awhile, so I just stood there doing it. He fell asleep within five minutes.

Maybe today was somewhat of a disaster. Maybe my head won't stop pounding, and I am unsure how to be a full-time SAHM. But it is all worth it for those five minutes I got of putting my baby to sleep. Because he isn't a baby anymore. He is growing up, despite my constant disapproval, and moments like those will start to become distant memories. And I'll be dang if I won't enjoy them while I can.

2 Responses to “Is it summer yet?”

  1. Personally I think that different people have different ways; while I love my 3 year old daughter dearly I just don't think that I would ever be able to be a full time SAHM (not that I wouldn't LOVE LOVE to be don't get me wrong). I think it's a matter of what you get your self used to in a away. Both me and my fiance have been been attending school full time since she was 1. It's been difficult and many struggles along the way since completing college I have gotten a full time job. I've encountered many obstacles along the way. I feel that some people are fortunate enough to be able to stay at home while others have to be motivated to get through College and full time work to provide the best possible up bringing for there child/children.

    What's happened to you has happened to me, and I'm sure SAHM's would say that they have perhaps even encountered worse. Being a mom stay at home or not it's not easy and has it;s challenging moments.
    Stick with it good luck!

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  2. People are more likely share their successes before their struggles, this could possibly be the case with being a sane SAHM. Or maybe it's just easier when you don't have to get real work done. I don't know... I'm not a SAHM but what I do know is when my daughter is on school vaca week... by day 3 I'm exhausted. I don't know how teachers do it, god bless them.

    Maybe you can enroll him in school part time, send him every othe day. That will enable you to spend more time with him, but also really focus on school stuff & printing & studying etc.

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