Stay Together for the Kids

3.11.2013



It usually baffles people when I explain that I made the decision to leave Oliver's father. In fact, the reactions I got as a pregnant seventeen year old were hard to stomach. The thing was, I did not know the first thing about being a mother, and I only had nine months to figure it out. So I told my significant other I needed to spend that time working on myself and become the best mother for my baby. It just seemed impossible to be able to do all that, brace myself to become a teen mom, AND try to cultivate and maintain a healthy relationship with a teenage boy.

People were not nice about my decision. It was frowned upon by people who I had considered my friends. The judgement I received was really heartbreaking, because I was just trying to do what I thought was best. I had only been dating Ollie's father for a few months, and I was not convinced it was something that would last forever. But more importantly, in the wake of becoming a mother at eighteen, that relationship took the backseat; my focus was on my baby.

When Oliver was a month old, I reentered a relationship with his father. I wanted to see if we could make it work, but honestly, it didn't matter how much I loved Ollie's dad. Because what became most important to me was how he handle the role of being a father and supported my role as a mother. Romantic love is something that easily got overrode by the love I had for my newborn and the life I wanted for him. Unfortunately, this is not something that his father shared with me. 

But still, the blame always got put onto me. How could I not stay with the father of my child? It seemed unfathomable to people that I would not sit around and put up with bullshit for an extended period of time just because he was Oliver's dad. After a month and a half, I was done and walked away. Over the past four years, I have been shown again and again that I made the right decision. 

Should a couple stay together simply because they have kids? Frankly, I do not think so, and I find it offending that people have this mindset. I cannot tell you how many stories I have heard of young girls putting up with the most ridiculous things from the father of their children because they want the storybook family. But at the end of the day, you should never settle for less than you deserve. Ever.

6 Responses to “Stay Together for the Kids”

  1. Personally, I agree with you 100%! I don't have my own kids yet, but I have a 5 yr old stepson who I love like my own. I grew up in a bad household and I've never understood staying together "for the kids." Kids aren't stupid. They pick up on the fact that mom & dad hate each other. They overhear things. And they can't fully understand it all so they think this unhappiness is all their fault. It's not good for anybody.
    Then there are the people that keep up the act pretty well for years. Maybe the kids notice some things aren't perfect but everything goes pretty well...until "wham" the kids are a bit older and mom & dad divorce. They feel misled when the details come out. Is their entire childhood a fake?
    It's better to do what's best for you! You know you made the right decision and that is all that matters! Everybody else should worry about their own lives! No child is better off in a house filled with anger, lies, or unhappiness.
    Good job!!

    Loriann
    http://ithoughtofthistoday.blogspot.com/?m=1

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    1. Exactly! And your kids would want you to be happy! I also think it would lead to a lot of resentment (unconsciously) towards your children. There ARE things that you should sacrifice for your children, but forgetting your self-worth is never one of them!

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  2. Just found your blog on TBB & popped in for a look! I'm glad you were confident enough in yourself and in your decision to get out of a relationship that just wasn't working. My husband's parents broke up after he was born and stayed apart for the first year of his life - but they were both still a part of his life for that first year. After that year they got back together and got married but from the get-go (this was 28 years ago) they made the decision that having a baby together did not constitute as a reason to stay together. So you are not alone in that logic! :)

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    1. I love finding blogs through TBB! Thank you so much for the comment! It is really refreshing to hear that other people use this logic lol! And honestly, even more impressive because they were doing it 28 years ago! I think it sets a great example for people, and I am really glad that they ended up together anyways! :)

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  3. You are such a great role model for all young mothers. Keep on keepin' on, proud mama.

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  4. I agree with you 100%! Whether it's one parent or two, a child will grow up to remember a happy, healthy household and model their own adult life after a loving parent rather than living in a household with two parents who dislike one another.

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