Curve Balls

7.24.2014


Eleven months ago, I learned that I was not invincible. I learned that life was precious and delicate and should never be taken for granted. I learned that at any moment, everything you thought you knew could come crashing down.

When you are a kid, you fail to imagine the tragedy and ugliness that will undoubtedly make its way into your life. You have hopes and dreams and an unfaltering idea of how your fairytale ending is going to work out. You don't think that you will get your heart shattered countless times. That you will be disappointed by those whom you love the most. That you will make mistakes and have regrets. That you will be diagnosed with cancer at twenty-three. 

Life throws you these curve balls, and you just learn to go with it. You adapt. You get tougher skin. You move on. Or if you are like me, and you decide to move halfway across the country to chase after love while everybody stares in disbelief and thinks you are certifiably crazy.

I have not openly discussed my relationship with Ryan nor my decision to move from Kansas to Washington. It is hard to describe why I have chosen to be more private about my life, since I have basically been laying my soul to bare on the Internet since I had a computer and dial-up. But people are just so damn judgmental. They think they know what you are capable of feeling or not feeling. They think they have the right to an opinion on the choices you make. They see the world in black and white and believe that one must follow a certain set of rules.

I guess I have chosen to keep my mouth shut because I am fully aware that people do not understand. And I don't think I am capable of finding the words to explain myself. And better yet, I do not feel the need to explain myself.

I know how I feel. I may not have all the answers nor am I able to predict the future without a shadow of a doubt. But I am simply attempting to live my life to the fullest possible extent. This fleeting, beautiful, precious life is the only one that I have, and I refuse to pass up happiness and adventure just because people are going to talk about me. 

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